OMG!

So, would everyone like to know the lengths of my stupidity and clumbsyness??!! Huh?? HUh??? Oh you would. ok. Here goes...

This morning I woke up late. (This actually means my husband woke up late and scared the pee out of me by screaming I'm late I'm late at the top of his lungs. I was not ACTUALLY late.) So I was in a little bit of a hurry and half asleep while I was brushing my teeth. I got the toothpaste on the brush, I even managed to find the right tooth brush. I got the brush in my mouth and I was doing really well, brushy brushy brushy.

And then... the unthinkable happened.....

You ready for this? I don't think you are.

The toothbrush totally popped out of my mouth and directly into my eye.

Yes, my eye. I don't know how or why or what even happened.

My inital thought was GOD that HURT!

Then I realized that not only did my eye actually hurt from the force I had jabbed the brush into my eye but that it was also burning. BURNING. My toothpaste is evidentally very very 'make your eye burn' toothpaste and should totally have one of those warning labels on the back. You know the ones... "In case of ingestion dial" or "In case of jabbing toothpaste in your eye call" etc.

So, just to set the scene. I have a very late Husband running around the house in a powerful hurry. Me, with a mouth and eye full of toothpaste. I'm screaming bloody murder because did I mention how bad it hurt and was burning, and I'm throwing water in my eye while foaming at the mouth because I haven't had a chance to spit yet.

I was so concerned with the permanent damage I had done to my eye because of the extreme burning that I completely forgot about the mouth full of extra minty toothpaste I was holding in. So now, now my tongue has no tastebuds because the toothpaste I held in for so long while I was cleaning the toothpaste out of my eye...totally ate my tastebuds off my tounge. It feels like a bad soup burn. (I know you know what that is!)

The recap: I have an eye that is STILL burning 3 hours later, while also feeling bruised AND a burnt toungue.

:) NICE!!

Guilt!

I would like to know where on earth people get this "guilt" skill. I can't make people feel guilty. My mother can, my grandmother has a gold medal in guilt giving, and my aunt...OMG she is the Guinness world record holder in guilt giving. But me... I didn't inherit that trait. Maybe it comes with age. Regardless, the vet I took my dog to this morning is totally in the lead right now. I should go straight to the trophy store and get the vet the biggest "You made me feel so guilty I spent hundreds of dollars for a "free" service I had already paid for" trophy they make!

A little back story...
When we got our dog we paid 75$ for "spay or neutering in the future." We received the dog, a collar, and a yellow sheet of paper to take to the vet when she was 6 months old. (And yes, she's only 5 months old, but her fascination with my husband's leg has prompted this move at 5 months instead of 6.) This magical yellow sheet of paper was to entitle us to a "free" spay or neutering." Personally, I think we paid the 75$ for the spay and neutering and got the dog for free, but whatever, it doesn't matter really.

So Hubby and I were thinking we were covered. All we have to do is drive her out there, drop her off, pet her head and go to work. Wrong! We get there and the vet decides that our yellow sheet of paper is a "coupon" to receive a "discount" on their services. It's going to cost extra for the IV fluids, pain meds, and laser treatment.

Hold up...

Laser treatment? WTF?

Hubby and I simultaneously, "What's a laser treatment?"

Well, evidentially vets no longer do the incision spaying unless you specifically ask for them to cut the animal. (And how harsh is that? It's not bad enough you know that they're going to hurt her, but you actually have to ask them to cut her. UGH!) They do the "laser treatment" for an EXTRA 100$ and to minimize the blood loss.

Hubby looks at me...I look at Hubby. Guilt ensues.

100$ plus this and this and that...250 dollars for everything. I mean, OMG. Guilt Guilt Guilt. And yet even more GUILT!

So hubby and I compromised. We decided that neither one of us would get the "laser treatment" for double the cost, so the dog shouldn't get it either. Instead we paid 18$ for the extra pain meds. We decided that was far more bang for the buck. It's what hubby and I would want.

And yet...right now while my dog is being cut open...I still feel GUILT.

Stupid vets. That's just owner cruelty. Where's the f'in bumper sticker for that?!!

My Oh My

Sweets,
You knew that you shouldn't be going over to an Ex's house. Ex's are Ex's for a reason. ;) I understand he was no drama and all but still you had to question that a bit.

Oh, if only every situation could be as easy as a recipe for a microwaved baked potatoe...

Guess what sweets is having for lunch today...oh yea...a microwaved baked potatoe. Excellent. I'm glad to know my no fail recipe is getting some use.

Maybe today Sweets won't have to listen to the desperate crys of pain as her potatoe is baked alive.

Ya know... If you put a barbie and a baked potatoe in the microwave together it could really freak a little kid out. (Or an adult for that matter.)

Microwave Baked Potatoes

Place potatoes in a shallow backing dish with a bit of water in the bottom of the dish. (More than enough to cover the bottom, but less than halfway up the sides of the dish.) [This is why, Sweets, your potatoes became shriveled I'm guessing. The water prevents this.) You should also put a few fork holes in the potatoes for heat venting.
Bake on high 4 minutes.
Turn each potato over.
Bake another 4 minutes.
Turn all potatoes again.
Bake on half power 2 minutes, turn and bake another 2 minutes.
Remove from oven.
Check to see if potatoe is close to desired consistency by inserting a butter knife.
If not baked, half power, another two minutes and check again.
When potatoes are ready cut in half and insert butter. (Or spray with I can't believe it's not butter)
Wrap each potato in foil.
Let them remain wrapped until ready to use. (Or at least 15 minutes)
The potatoes will continue to cook in the foil and become a slight bit more tender.
This is for microwave oven with 700 watt power.

Sweetest of Sweets: Grocery Shopping

There are few things in this world that I truly hate. A few are stupid people, spending money, and mind numbing activities. All of these are included in the chore I had to do tonight, grocery shopping. I generally try to avoid crowded stores during the daytime as I'm afraid I will lose all patience and end up in jail for beating someone to death with a can of corn. You can usually find me in Wal Mart at around 1 am with a cart full of Diet Mountain Dew and a lot of boxes marked organic. I shop at most once a month. I buy in bulk. If there is ever a bad storm or nationwide famine we would survive at my house for months on green beans and cous cous. I go in sweatpants, a t-shirt hanging to my knees, and a ponytail. I usually look very angry and unwelcoming. This is intentional. I am not there to make friends. If I see someone that I know I usually try to avoid them. If you see me, please do not talk to me. I am a woman on a mission. I have frozen veggies I'm trying to get home before they thaw. The worst of the Wally World chatters are those that I don't know. I have no idea why they talk to me. I do my best to look mean. But still they attempt to engage me with witty banter such as, "wow, that sure is a lot of soda" or "are all of those pickles for you?" No. I am raising an army of partially pickled zombie warriors to kill all people below a minimum IQ. And buddy, I don't think you're gonna make it. A woman once asked me if I had a pet rabbit when she saw carrots and broccoli in my cart. Hey lady, people can eat vegetables too. You should try a few sometime, fatass. But the worst part of it all is the line. Dear God, the line! I'll admit some of my frustration here is my own fault. Maybe I am a little too particular about the way my purchases are bagged. I do try to make it simple for the cashier though. I seperate my cans, frozen foods, crushables, etc. Any reasonable person could decipher my system. Unfortunately, all those people must be on the day shift. I see that the effort I made to get a not-so-crushed bag of tortilla chips was in vain as the cashier chunks a jar of olives right on top of my chips. I'm too tired to say anything. At this point I've been in the store an hour and a half. Go ahead. Put the shampoo in with the lettice. Dent every one of the cans. Just get me the hell outta here. I pay and I'm out the door. Free! I'm free! Just then realize I've forgotten the dog food. Fuck it. The dog can have the olives.

Meet the Bloggers: Paige's Deep Thoughts and Sweetest Of Sweet

sweetestofsweet: damn i'm so hungry all the damn time ugh
paigesdeepthoughts: haha me too
sweetestofsweet: i have no food i'm eating an apple with cheese and ranch dressing wish i had some spinach at least then i could call it a salad
Paige's Deep Thoughts: i have a frozen dinner for lunch :)
sweetestofsweet: don't have any
have broccoli and cheese
Paige's Deep Thoughts: yummy
sweetestofsweet: want chili cheese fries
and ice cream
Paige's Deep Thoughts: oh wow...me too
sweetestofsweet: hmmm chili
Paige's Deep Thoughts: I don't want chili, had turkey chili earlier this week
tuesday I think
sweetestofsweet: just ice cream ?
Paige's Deep Thoughts: ice cream ....I dunno....I'm feeling food....like lots of good rich food
sweetestofsweet: pizza ugh make me stop eating i have to go on a diet like tomorrow or get my jaw wired shut
why on tv when they show ice cream they have this chck eating the smallest scoop possible
Paige's Deep Thoughts: lol....
sweetestofsweet: i get the biggest bowl in the house and it bustin over the sides
tv is so unrealistic